LIFE AS AN EXPAT IN KOREA: MY PRIVATE JOURNEY

When I talk to people back home, I often encounter the same questions. “Why did you move to Korea? How did you do it, and why are you still there?” The truth is that I didn’t exactly plan to live in Korea when I became an adult. It kind of ‘happened’ as a result of a series of events, and as I gradually gained self confidence, I developed belief that I could live a life beyond my home culture. Beyond my comfort zone.

SPAIN: A SEED IS PLANTED

At the tender age of ten, I watched an expat travel show playing in grandma’s living room.  My family were enjoying a vacation in Vitoria, Spain where my mother’s parents live. I was the only person in the sitting room, and I soaked up the video footage like a sponge. I wanted to do that, and I wanted to be those people. As a teenager, I sought out TV series and documentaries about British tour reps working in Spain and Greece, and my fascination with a travel and expat life-style grew. 

FIRST EXPERIENCE LIVING ABROAD

In my teens and early twenties, travel for me was mostly contained in Europe. My family would visit Spain when we had enough money to see our relatives there, but when I started dating Matt, my world opened up. 

We visited his home city in Ottawa Canada, and shortly thereafter, we married. I was working a retail job in Harrods Knightsbridge that paid me very little, and I didn’t enjoy my job. My husband suggested that we relocate to his home in Canada, and excited at the thought of experiencing new things, I agreed. We organized our paperwork, shipped out belongings, and moved into his parents’ basement in Ottawa. Although the situation was hardly ideal, something had shifted inside of me. I realized that if I saved money, not only could I leave an unfulfilling job, but I could even leave my home culture, or at least I could with the help of my husband.

VICTORIA: A NEW OPPORTUNITY

Although Matt and I stayed together for a few years, our relationship dwindled. Neither of us had the maturity or tools to maintain a healthy marriage. I most certainly was not ready for a committed relationship in my early twenties. I returned to England, collected myself together, and soon headed back to Ottawa. Months later, I began dating Jeff. Matt and I divorced when I turned twenty-seven, but by now, I had learned to successfully manage living alone in Canada. 

When Jeff began looking at master’s programs on the other side of the country, we decided to move together, and he suggested that I apply to do my undergraduate. I did apply, and months later, we set up home together in Victoria British Columbia. Unknown to me at that time, I was building strength and self-belief that I could start a new life in a new city. 

Four years later, Jeff and I were no longer together, but by this time, I had completed my university program. After graduating, I began working full-time at a cocktail lounge for a local hotel, but when the hotel closed for renovations and I was made redundant, my boss asked me to house-sit while she used the opportunity to enjoy her honeymoon. I said yes, left my apartment and put everything into storage. I moved into her apartment directly, but had no idea how impactful those six weeks would be. 

EVALUATING MY OPTIONS

My boss’s apartment was luxurious. I’d sit on her balcony overlooking her neighbourhood, and I decided that now was the time to evaluate my job prospects. I visited a career advisor and resolved on working in Asia. A teaching job would provide a base from which I could see a lot more of Asia, and my degree had given me credentials for a basic teaching job. I began researching job offers in Japan and Korea, I finally resigned to get a teaching job in Korea. 

Jeff and I had remained friends, and he urged me to settle down in Victoria Canada. That I was too old to start a new life, and I should invest my energy into a stable local job where I already had build friends and contacts who could better support me. But I dismissed his worries. I felt confident, and without a partner, home, or job, I realized that this window of opportunity may never reappear. I had to act, and I realized that I could do this one hundred percent alone and I’d be okay. All of the moving back and forth between different cities in England and Canada had built self-confidence, and at the age of thirty-three, I finally moved to Korea. Months later, Jeff would tell me that he was wrong, and that he was glad I didn’t take his advice.

FINDING A TEACHING JOB

While researching job opportunities, I came across a website called Dave’s ESL Café, and I got in touch with an English-speaking Korean recruiter. She presented connected me with a private academy in Pyeongtaek, a northern city in South Korea, and after an interview by phone, they offered me the job. It was my very first interview. I accepted, and quickly thereafter organized a criminal background check, arranged for a work visa at my Korean consulate, and a month later I was in Korea. As a native English speaker with an undergraduate university degree, it was surprisingly easy for me to walk into a job. 

SOUTH KOREA: THE REALITY

I didn’t really have any expectations of Korea. It all happened so quickly. The academy purchased my flight, and after packing two suitcases, I got on a plane. The ‘move’ was relatively simple, and after an eleven-hour flight, I arrived at Incheon International Airport. On arrival, I took a bus that took me to my city, and after a short stay in a local hotel, I was taken to my studio apartment.

The place I would live for the next year or so was the tiniest apartment I had ever seen. Still, it was just part of the adventure. I could deal with it. At night, the neon lights advertising restaurants were mesmerizing. Every street looked the same, and I found it hard to orient myself. The fashion trend for men and women at that time was elegant. It seemed all the women were all thin. Korean faces were shiny from face foundation, and I noticed that even men wore foundation. Music blared from shops, and every time I stepped into a store, I felt like I was in a club. There were so many things to get used to. I also began to teach myself a little Korean! I was enthralled with my new home.

Korea seemed very homogenous. Almost everywhere I looked, I saw black hair and everyone wore similar clothes. Non Koreans stood out like sore thumbs. Almost every foreigner I encountered back in 2014 were either teachers, students, business owners of restaurants, or were U.S. military personnel stationed at one of the bases. I didn’t come across many foreigners who worked in other fields of work. It seemed that job opportunities for foreigners in Korea were pretty limited, but English teachers were in very high demand.

THE JOB

I soon settled into a routine. I loved my new work colleagues, but the work itself was taxing. Very taxing. As an adult, I had never really engaged much with children that were kindergarten and elementary age. It took a while to relate to these little people. My new boss expected teachers to be with their students for the full duration of a work day. There was no staff room where teachers could take a break and decompress, and lunches were spent with kindergarten students since teachers supervised while the students ate. 

Luckily, I had an assistant who dealt with issues I hadn’t anticipated. On occasion, the youngest kindergarten students would pee their pants. I was definitely out of my depth, but I was so determined to enjoy the overall experience of teaching abroad that I told myself I had to just push through. And I had another reason. I was saving money. My starting salary was 2.1 million KRW (approximately $2,000) per month, and considering the low cost of living and that my housing was covered by my employer, I was comfortably able to save about one thousand dollars per month.

OVERWHELMED

The lack of opportunity to just have a few minutes of time to myself in an eight-hour day was the biggest challenge for me. On one occasion, I awoke in the morning barely able to move. My neck wouldn’t turn, and it felt like my muscles had semi paralyzed. I struggled to walk to school that morning, and on arrival, the director took me directly to the local hospital where I half expected them to diagnose my condition as miraculous overnight arthritis. The doctor declared that I was suffering from stress. I connected the dots, and realized that just didn’t know how to manage the little energy bundles who simultaneously and consistently wanted my attention for extended periods of time. A couple of days later, I had almost completely recovered. Although I continued to feel overwhelmed at times, I somehow muddled through it.

Mostly, my new boss was flexible and accommodating, and I figured I had been lucky because as time went by, I began hearing rumors that other English academies (hagwons) had been engaging in unscrupulous behavior, including not paying teachers on time. Terminating employment earlier than agreed to avoid paying the promised stipend after a year’s work was a common teacher complaint. The stories about unethical business practices, scheming and mistreatment of teachers were plentiful. I’d hear about them on expat social media channels like Facebook, and I’d hear stories directly from teachers. I’d somehow, thankfully evaded working for one of these business owners.

One factor I hadn’t considered carefully before signing the contract had been that teachers received a total of ten days of vacation. Although national holidays gave opportunities to take mini trips in Korea, there had been a lot less time available for international travel than I had hoped for. On weekends, I would venture outside of Pyeongtaek to explore Seoul which was only an hour or so away by train. I connected with Seoul Hiking, a group dedicated to taking foreigners on excursions around the country. With this group, I visited Jeju Island and hiked the tallest peak in South Korea, ventured near the North Korea boarder, and enjoyed a Holi colour festival on the beautiful shores of Haeundae Beach in Busan. All of this had a time stamp on it though. Just before leaving Canada, I had started dating Wayne, and we had been maintaining a long-distance relationship. He wanted me to return.

GOODBYE AND RETURN!

After fourteen months, I agreed to return to Canada. I shipped my stuff back and first embarked on a three-month tour before leaving Asia. I visited Japan, Thailand. Cambodia and Vietnam. I had finally been able to see some of Asia which had been a major goal, but reality was about to hit.

I had enrolled for a TEFL Applied Linguistics Diploma at the University of Victoria, Canada beginning September 2015, and that was a full work load. Later, I would take on a part-time job working as an IELTS test invigilator, but meanwhile, Wayne and I broke up. He had accepted a job in Cambodia after a series of issues in Victoria, and I decided to end the relationship shortly after his move. Months later, and nearing the completion of my course, I decided to return to Korea. I hadn’t finished my love affair with Asia. 

URBAN GANGNAM: A NEW START

The nice thing about having taught as a teacher in Korea previously is being aware of workload expectations, tricky employers, base salary, and housing norms. I knew what to watch for when deciding who to work for. I interviewed this time with four different schools, and was offered all the positions, but I chose the teacher job offered in Daechi, Gangnam. I liked the way the directors presented themselves, and they put me in touch with a teacher who worked there who I could probe for information before taking the position. Shortly thereafter, I accepted the job.

Once again, I moved from Canada to Korea. But this adventure would be quite different from my first. My apartment was larger and brighter, but my neighborhood was much busier than I ever anticipated. I found that I didn’t have the same initial friendships bonds with the teachers as I had at my previous job post. The teachers at this new location had been there years and were well established in their routines. It wasn’t easy to be included in their social activities. I struggled with loneliness for more than a year, and this was certainly the hardest part about returning. Although I had incrementally built the courage to move abroad on my own, I hadn’t figured out how to truly be comfortable BEING alone. 

FIVE YEARS LATER

Relationships are the glue that hold no only communities together, but hold together every individual. As a gregarious and outgoing person, I found ways to meet people, particularly other expats. I joined language groups, more hiking groups, photography and networking events. I joined city tours, skincare communities, speaking groups like Toastmasters and I often sourced these through apps like meetup.com and expat community groups featured on Facebook.  

Multiple times, I found myself embroiled in love affairs and these extended my stay. I discovered that I had been looking for a home for my heart, particularly in the absence of a physical, permanent home. I discovered that relationships with other foreigners can end up being temporary since Korea is often a temporary stop for most expats. Foreigners come to Korea either to study or to work, and most return home after completing a two to four year stay. Many communities and relationships are temporary.

Korea can be a very lonely place for an expat, and despite bursting with a suffocatingly large population, Seoul has been one of the loneliest places on Earth for me. I would never consider settling down in Korea. I deeply value communities like the kind I’ve encountered in places like Spain, Italy, Malaysia and the Philippines. Places where the warmth and love from the people themselves can tangibly be felt. 

WHY I STILL LIVE IN KOREA

As I’ve renewed contract after contract, my salary increased. I developed a handful of friends that seemed to be around more permanently. I also began investing in my interests. I created opportunities to travel, and in addition to returning to Europe, have visited the Philippines, Malaysia and India, recording and publishing some of these experiences on my YouTube channel. I discovered that when I travelled alone, my camera was friend. My subscribers were my travel buddies. We would experience my surprises, my delights and disappointments together. I found a permanent, consistent ‘friend.’

CHALLENGES AND INTROSPECTION

All that said, during the pandemic, I have not been able to travel abroad, so ironically, the primary purpose for returning to Korea as a base to travel Asia has been suspended. I can still record videos within South Korea, however, but another shift has happened. A particularly important one. Now that I cannot travel and have to stay in Korea for the time being, I’ve discovered the real secret on how to thrive as an expat. It’s something I’ve been aware of for over three years, but I’d never taken action. That is, to deeply and without any holds, “love myself.”

FINAL THOUGHTS

As an expat, I’ve either moved with a partner and had their support, or I’ve sought out partners for support and companionship. This kind of behaviour was familiar to me. But now, I’m delving into daily practice of loving and being compassionate to myself. Saying kind words to myself, and gifting myself things that help me feel happy. 

As I delve into neuroscience, particularly with therapists like Marisa Peer and Dr. Joe Dispenza, I’m no longer seeking love or a home for my heart outside of myself. I’m now focusing on deeply listening to the heart within me, and slowly, I’m developing more patience and empathy for myself and others. I’ve even begun learning how to build emotional boundaries – something that I had never attempted before. 

Human connection and being part of a community is something that I cannot disengage from. I know it’s value. But I’ve found that the truly effective way to feel confident, courageous, loving and supportive is by focusing inward. Studying myself. Understanding what I need and being abundant in giving love to myself. That is the diamond to thriving as an expat.  

I’d like to say a huge thank you to Kieron. Our discussions inspired me to share my story.

Natasha~

Let me know if the comments below if there’s a part of my story that you’d like me to elaborate on. Have you had a chance to spend time away from your home, and what were the greatest rewards and challenges for you?

DM me on INSTAGRAM

Cover image by Nestor Bulilan

See my previous article, MY 2020 Struggles and Achievements HERE

Visit Castro Urdiales with me and my family HERE

Tasha is author of  Attract and Retain a Fulfilling Relationship. 

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