On January 1st, 2022 I decided to join Ok Cupid dating app. Naïve to online predators and romance scams, I fell for what seemed like a ‘perfect relationship’ with an oil rig engineer. By March, and having lent $44,000 of my teacher-savings to this person I thought I’d marry, I abruptly learned one Sunday evening that EVERYTHING had been fake. The entire relationship was termed an oil rig romance scam. He didn’t need oil rig equipment, or help with airport customs, taxes, or shipping. I had been chatting with a scam team likely based out of Nigeria, and the so-called oil rig issues were a farce to steal as much as possible from me using whatever emotional manipulation imaginable. I was stunned, heartbroken, and felt terribly used. The story was a lot more complicated than that, but that’s the short version.
Afterward discovering the reality of the oil rig scam, I was in a very dark place. Somehow, I dragged myself through my usual strengthening routine, and by day twelve, I saw light at the end of the tunnel. I momentarily smiled when my student made a joke, and I realized at that moment that it was possible to feel normal again. The heavy cloud of the break-up and theft hanging over me shifted just a tiny bit.
I began to feel a little stronger day by day, and within a couple of months, I felt the strongest I’d ever been. Looking back now, I know it’s down to the small actions, the habits, that I had continued doing. It’s these habits that I decided to document and put into a short course for people who have experienced a romance scam.
Why This Scene?
So why did I create a course for cyber-crime romance victims? The short answer is that I personally rejected any therapists, however, I wish that I had had some kind of self-help guide. When I had just been scammed, I was in survival mode. I felt vulnerable, and was trying to make it through the day without bursting into tears in the middle of conversations. I continued teaching full time, and multiple times, I wiped away tears while grading homework and turned my face away from my children, so they didn’t see what a state I was in. I tried to ‘keep calm and carry on,’ but I was struggling. I had started stooping like a woman twice my age, as if I had been physically burdened. I developed eye issues, and lost a lot of weight, too. My body was manifesting illness all over, and I had been ignoring the potential that all of these symptoms were connected.
Weeks later, my thought patterns had changed, and my body was repairing at what I thought was a remarkable rate. Things that usually would have bothered me no longer held my attention, and I realized that the series of methods I had used to help heal were transforming not only my mind, but these in turn were restoring my body.
As time went by, I thought and thought about how I could help others avoid extended romance scam pain and trauma. In response, one of the things I did was to tell my story publicly, so that everyone within my community would be on guard for similar scams. The least I could do was to help prevent family and friends from going through this kind of experience. I wanted EVERYONE to know about “Romance Scams” and how these crimes function. Within four months of beginning my healing journey, I had signed up for Dean Graziosi and Tony Robbins’ course, “Project Next,” and that was a major game changer.
Dean explained that we all have something inside of us that we need to share with others, and it’s our obligation to share the knowledge we have. I immediately knew that the most urgent information I had to share was the steps that helped me recover, the blueprint to healing faster, and the guide I wish I could have had in my bleakest moments. I already had the skills to create a course, and felt that sharing what I learned on this one topic was the most urgent information I could possibly impart.
Who am I to help victims?
I had obstacles though. A part of me wondered, how can I help others? I’m not a qualified psychologist or therapist. I don’t know the intricate details about chemical balances in our brain, adrenal glands, and exactly how cortisol and others chemicals affect our nervous system and fight-or-flight reactions. But, I have learned the basics from hundreds of interviews with doctors, many of whom were therapists. I’ve also read a lot of self-help books over the past five years, and in that time, I’ve learned which habits deeply affect our mental state, our emotions, and our mood.
I’ve also experienced a romance scam first-hand. I am a victim who recovered. I have insider information because I’ve been there, and I understand exactly how oil rig romance scam victims feel. I knew the theory on how to heal, and I’ve used methods through the varying stages of dealing with my own trauma and pain.
Refuse to stay stuck
When my mind drifted into depression in those earliest days, I forced myself to continue doing my morning and evening routines, and intensified self-love methods learned from British therapist, Marisa Peer. I repeatedly forgave myself and promised myself hope, and set in motion a capacity to take care of myself. I reached out to others for support, and didn’t take on my heavy burden alone.
These methods and others helped me regain my weight, and was able to sleep normally again. I completely stopped having heavy chest pains, my eyes healed, and meanwhile, I developed a new level of self-respect. I realized that I could overcome adversity and that ultimately, I would always fight for myself. I would show up, and I’d do whatever it takes to survive. And I’d do again and again. There’s no such thing as ‘this is the last time I’m supporting you.’
after I had discovered the scam. I danced, something I love doing, to help me smile for the camera.
Fears and Concerns
I’m still on the healing journey as there’s more work to be done, and it hasn’t been plain sailing. Unsupportive thoughts popped into my mind (and sometimes still do). Things like, the ‘romance’ was too good to be true, anyway. How could I be so naïve? Genuine love stories only happen to other people. Do I even deserve to move on?
Another obstacle was, how can I share what I know with many people? I had this deep belief that I’m terrible at marketing. I could create the best romance scam course, my blueprint to healing faster, but what if nobody sees it, and it remains hidden in the archives of the internet where no-one can find it, and thus I can’t help anyone? Can I charge for my course, if people have already lost money? And how could I make helping scam victims a primary focus, while supporting myself working a regular job?
Stop Overthinking and Just Start
Soon after producing my course, I begun sharing what my oil rig romance scam experience taught me through our new Facebook community, Always Healing. I hosted 1:1 sessions with women who have been scammed to help with the healing process. I’ve repeatedly been thanked for the work I’m doing, and I know there’s so much more that can be done.
I sense that I’m an intermediary between the therapists I have studied for years, and romance scam victims who avoid going to formal therapy sessions. These are the people who need pointed advice who don’t have the time to watch the hundreds of interviews with professionals whom I’ve studied. I’m not a therapist pretending to understand. I genuinely understand. I remember how horrendous the first couple of weeks were, the heaviness and disillusionment, my struggle with self-esteem, and doubting my decision-making abilities.
Not a Trauma ‘Cure’
I know this course has value and will help victims, but I don’t think the course is a quick fix. Survivors of scams including oil rig and military romance scams won’t be healed in a month. I’m still healing months later. But survivors will heal faster. I’ve spoken to many victims as well as family of victims who, years after the event and without guidance, haven’t released the pain. Everyone heals at a different pace, and everyone’s story and the circumstances that led up to their scam and betrayal, are different.
Scams hit us in different seasons of our life journey. Some of us experienced our scam in our thirties, and others in our eighties. Some lost one thousand dollars, and others lost one million. Some victims are scammed for a couple of months, and others, a couple of years. I acknowledge that our healing journeys are unique, but the healing journey doesn’t have to take years. Scam trauma doesn’t have to be imprinted into our nervous system or DNA for the rest of our lives.
“I’ll work it out”
We can get stuck like deer in the headlights and make no decisions. We do nothing, and wait for ‘time to heal’ us, or we’re thinking, “I’ll find a way through this.” But how effective are these methods at moving on from a romance scam? How does ongoing trauma affect our relationships with our family and work colleagues, while we’re waiting for time to heal us?’ But what I’ve discovered is that many people who have been romance scammed remain in a victim mindset for much longer than need be. I’m not talking weeks. I mean, years.
But why leave your mental and physical health to chance, when someone who has been through a similar experience has produced a blueprint, a compass, for finding your way out of the weeds? When will we decide to fight for ourselves? When will we decide that we are worthy to move on, and learn a few methods that will speed up our healing? It’s down to us to support ourselves fully.
The trauma from a scam can be so deep that the scam intrenches itself into our identity, history, and even self-worth. But you can begin healing using a proven method, using our step-by-step course, a supportive Facebook community, and even schedule 1:1 sessions with a former victim who truly cares?
That I was back on my feet within a few weeks, and built a course and community for women is proof that the methods I used worked. Interestingly, after writing the course, I searched for courses similar to my own, and I did find a few.
Therapy
Therapists offered remarkably similar advice to my own on their sites. The healing strategies were akin to the ones I had done, and I knew first hand that these worked. However, I also noticed that my course was a lot more detailed, had more methods to try, and I used my own examples to explain how I used them. The methods in my course really help, and even if you find only one method that helps you, that alone is worth going through the short program.
I also share feedback with our Facebook community on further methods that are helpful, such as trying meditation apps. The wonderful consequence of engaging with the women in our community is that we collectively share more methods which helped us, so we benefit from each other’s wisdom.
I invite you to click the link, and look at the drop-down menu to see what you’re receive with the course. Be assured that there is a 30- money-back guarantee if you feel that you’ve not received value. Also, join our women’s Facebook community, and if you need 1:1 sessions, email me for details.
You need the support from others, and you don’t have to stumble through this alone. This is the course I created for me, the blueprint I wish I had when I really needed a path in those early days. I look forward to seeing you in our course and community.
Blessings,
Natasha~
If this article gave you value, check out my previous article where I tell more about my story regaining strength here.
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Thank you to Don Macdonell photography for the images used here.