After returning from Italy last summer and splitting up with my then boyfriend, I decided I had to leave my job in Korea in 2019, and take a year timeout to travel Asia. My plans continue to evolve, and as things stand, I’ll be heading to the Philippines, India, and later, Latin America. I plan to document my journey and share the adventure on my YouTube channel. But before embarking on this crazy adventure, I’m opening up my private journal and documenting my thought processes to observe how I build the courage to do this for myself.
I’ve always admired people who travel for extensive periods of time, and I know deep inside that this lifestyle is something I have to do. People ask me, how will fund that kind of travel on a teacher’s salary? The answer is simple. I’ve decided that this is what I’m going to do, and I’ve been taking small steps every day, every week, every month to prepare for this experience.
But it’s not just a case of saving money, and buying the right camera equipment. I’ve also been deliberately focusing on thoughts that help me believe in myself. And that has required serious journaling. Something I do almost every morning.
I have many friends that live with limiting beliefs who feel that they cannot do this, and they cannot do that. And a year ago, I had similar thoughts. But things are changing. I hope that by sharing snippets from my intimate journal, you can see my struggles and victories. You’ll notice I’m still in the early stages of gaining self-confidence. I hope to observe my own progress by publishing my thoughts, and I hope that you will take away something from my thought processes.
Fri. Feb. 1st, 2019
(Mantras)
- I owe it to myself to bring fulfillment to my life.
- I easily attract abundance every day.
- I easily manage my temper and redirect my thoughts.
Sun. Feb. 3rd, 2019
I’m hosting my first meetup! Models teaching each other how to pose. I’m communicating a lot with Mikael, the models organizer here, and I’m learning a lot about becoming good at negotiating, compromising and I’m becoming known in the [photography] community [in Seoul].
I’ve begun to look at men differently. Instead of seeing someone I’m attracted to and wanting to date or sleep with them, I now remember my ideal fella, and Lauren Zander’s stress about being with a partner who has the hoo ha [sexy attraction], the attractive brain, and the heart. I’m beginning to recognize why so many of my relationships didn’t work out. [*] had the hoo ha and the heart, but not the brain. [*] had the brain and the heart, and nearly had the hoo ha. Now, I’m more realistic about whether I could be with someone.
Mon. Feb. 4th, 2019
Today, […] I snapped myself out of a sleep cycle using cold water [on my face]. Despite feeling really crap initially, I lifted myself out of a brain fog.
Tues. Feb. 5th, 2019
Today, I am grateful that I respect myself enough to turn down [appointments] that I have reservations about. I hate [photographing in] malls, and I know I’ll find it challenging to model three days in a row. I’ve realized my opinion is very important and [communication] is the secret to avoiding resentment.
Thurs. 7th Feb., 2019
I feel so proud of myself for what I achieved skiing yesterday. I was nearly ready for the intermediate slope despite only trying skiing once before!
Fri. 8th Feb., 2019
I’m grateful that I finally decided that I am worthy and am orchestrating my life rather than let it unfold into mediocrity, frustration and desperation.
Sat. 9th Feb., 2019
I reacted to news about our [photoshoot] location falling through really calmly this morning. It didn’t trigger me. My automatic thoughts went into potential solutions. I’m changing how I think!
I’m so grateful to work with [Danish and Mikhael]. I’m learning about being a leader, how to negotiate, remove my ego, and make this model meetup about everyone else. It’s not plain sailing […] we’re experiencing challenges. It helps me grow.
Mon. 11th Feb., 2019
I feel good because the model workshop meetup went well and now I can get back to a normal routine. I feel a little nervous, so to feel calm, I’ll drink peppermint tea and focus on my morning routine to ground me.
I realized that some models have little patience for practicing poses, and without a photographer present to motivate them, the model may not bother practicing. My need for growth as a model isn’t always what other models are searching for.
Sunday 17th Feb., 2019
Today, my top priority is filming footage at the KBeauty event, and to meet two influencers, two suppliers […], and to interview two people on video [to challenge myself by doing something new]. I also plan to tell about my struggle with adult acne.
Tues. 19th Feb., 2019
I’m so happy that I’m actively making goals before attending events, such as interviewing guests and taking footage of product.
Wed. 20th Feb., 2019
Today, I’m grateful for the pain I let into my life two years ago. That pain was the catalyst to move the direction of my life. To stop ****ing around […] and really go after what I’m passionate about and will get really good at. The thing that gives me real pleasure.
Thurs. 21st Feb., 2019
Today, I’m grateful for my chance to enjoy coffee and a chat with Laura at noon. I intend to do lots of […] mirroring, deep listening, and asking thoughtful questions. I’m so glad our other colleague didn’t turn up. I seriously prefer interacting 1:1 rather than listening to two other people talk. That wastes my time, and my morning time to work on my business is very precious. I don’t like agreeing to appointments in the morning unless it’s related to building my brand, because otherwise, I feel like I’m losing my time to build my business. 11am to 1pm is always my editing/creating time. I seriously value my time, and I’m not going to give it away easily. I’m also not going to let social pressure to hang out with work colleagues affect me. Unless I value spending time with that person, I won’t agree to give away my time to ‘hang out.’
Sat. 23rd Feb., 2019
Today, I feel energized! I just danced around [my] room to a new[ly discovered] song called, I’m on Fire. I love it! It’s crazy how quickly music helps to change my state!
Today, my top project is recording a YouTube video as I wander Seoul. I have some stories to share. Perhaps a list of top reasons to visit Seoul, and negative ones [too]. I’m going to get used to taking interesting footage while out alone to prepare for my vlogging [in India, the Philippines and] elsewhere.
Scrolling through social media, eyes glued to my screen, is really emotionally unhealthy for me. At night, I’ve been allowing myself to scroll [through Instagram] because sometimes, I have intent on posting [a picture], but I get side-tracked.
Sun. 24th Feb., 2019
I’m changing. I’m happier more consistently. I’ve been doing more things that make me happy; walks in the morning, not agreeing to dating [*], seeking out advantageous collaborations, networking, [and] eating better.
Wed. 27th Feb., 2019
(Visualization) Italy, Tuscany. We pick mama up and bring her to our villa to spend two months together. After two beautiful months of work and relaxation, we drop mama off in Spain and we head to Manilla or Cebu. From there, we head to our rented home in Siargao. We are near the beach. We get really romantic when we are there.
5 IDEAS:
- Change the cover of my Relationships book, and change the title.
- Look into extended visas for India and the Philippines.
- Start a savings fund for traveling Latin America.
- Decide on a beauty product or brand I want to promote/work with.
- Visit Gwangjang market with my camera for my next video.
Thurs. 28th Feb., 2019
I recognized that I had allowed [*]’s insensitive way of informing me that our [work] process had changed to upset me. To change my state, I had to do depression yoga and Tony’s [Robbins’] priming which helped move my energy. I have too many important things to build to [waste my time focusing] on petty things.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. I appreciate your time, and hope that you found some value from these thought snippets.
What do you do to monitor how your life is unfolding? Do you journal or have some self-check-in system that works for you?
Natasha
Tasha is author of Keto Brunches and Attract and Retain a Fulfilling Relationship.
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