Most of us have been through some kind of relationship breakup. They can be especially painful if the decision to separate was not yours. Breakups can actually be useful opportunities to change our negative patterns of behaviour. Here are a few things to bear in mind while you endure the recovery stages and get reacquainted with being single again.
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Often, there is that initial stab of pain that can be emotionally overwhelming, and affects you physically too. In response to breakups, I’ve personally felt like I was having an anxiety attack, I’ve developed skin rashes randomly on my body, and I also didn’t feel like eating. About a month later, a dull pain appears, that feeling of loss and longing to have the relationship that you formerly had. I found myself often thinking about that former partner, wondering what they were doing, and reviewing some of the wonderful experiences we shared.
Feelings of loss are amplified when important occasions which would usually include your former partner happen without them. You miss that person being present and sharing that experience with them.
It’s important to recognize how we are feeling and identify what is causing the feelings. These are part of the recovery process, but it’s also important to think about the reasons why you and your partner broke up. It can help to write them down to identify reasons clearly for yourself. Reflecting on the reasons for the breakup help you to identify better what you need within a future relationship.
Surround yourself with positive people, and these may include friends that you trust and can confide in. Friends who don’t have that same emotional investment as we do can sometimes help us better understand what happened from an objective viewpoint. Friends can also help us understand events from the ex-partner’s perspective.
Being cut off from your former partner can sometimes result in looking for rebound or short-term romances, to help remove that sting of loneliness, but I think that this is not the right solution. The likelihood of this kind of romance being beneficial is very low.
In the past, I entered a rebound relationship and found that I ended up with someone who I would not normally have dated or had a relationship with. I was emotionally vulnerable because of the previous breakup and was not thinking clearly. I was looking for comfort. But these were not good reasons to enter a short or long term romance. Avoid rebound relationships.
A relationship breakup provides a good opportunity to focus on yourself. Learn about what your beliefs and values are, and what you want from life. I discuss these points in my book, Relationships: 18 Principles to Attract and Retain a Fulfilling Relationship. Keep your heart open. Be receptive to help from others. Remember to love yourself. I frequently take myself out on dates, and I consider these events, ‘me time.’
If you have unresolved issues that you didn’t understand about the relationship and have the chance to talk with your ex-partner, discuss what happened. Listen with your heart with the intention to understand, but remember that your own happiness is your primary goal. Communication and understanding, both with your ex-partner but particularly with yourself is at the core of recovery from a breakup and these factors help you to move on.
Thanks for reading this article. I appreciate it.
Tasha
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Thank you, Viv, for your comments. Much appreciated.
Great article for those recently broken up with a partner!
I think particularly a person who has bee broken up with can often feel like there’s endless sorrow & pain!
So reading & applying your tips can help get them through these low stages
👍💋